Part 12: A Man's Amnesia

You know that kind of feeling you have sometimes…that you are forgetting something?
Well… I've been having that feeling for a pretty long time now. Come to think of it, it all began way back in my life. I think it was on the day I first came into this world. Moments after I was born, the nurse wrapped me tightly in a cozy blue sheet and gave me to my Mom. She was so happy that she had tears in her eyes. It was quite complicated back for me though… At first I thought she didn't like the package she received. I mean come on, how is a newborn kid to know about the concept of tears of joy. Oh well… like I was saying, it was at that moment when she held me in my arms that I had this feeling for the first time that I am forgetting something.
Years went by and I was growing up into a fine young chap. My grand mother looked after me with so much care that at times I felt she mistook me for a rare and delicate porcelain figure. I felt so protected that I could almost look up to that Blue guy with the red cape in the sky and say "Hey there Mr. Underwear on your pants, I bet even you can't harm me".
School was fun. Great friends and ya! the part about studies and homework too. Man! it got scary at times. I mean an apple falls of a tree and a guy wants to call it a science. Or then again this chap who s taking a bath in a bath tub and then suddenly runs out screaming Eureka! … and even he's got a chapter written on him. Where's a good old censor board when you need one? But all this just never seemed that complicated when my teachers taught me about them. I could never fathom their magical ways by which they controlled such a wacky herd of wild kids like us. They would step in through that classroom door and all the chaos and clown acts would turn into peace and quiet. And then they'd open the doors of knowledge and take us on this amazing journey of learning and personal growth. Those were the most memorable days of my life. But even then I had this feeling that I was forgetting something.
While I was still in my 8th grade, God gifted me with a little sister. That bundle of cute smiles and googly eyes could make me do almost anything for her. She was such a heart stealer from the start that I loved getting in trouble for her … if it made her sweet little face sparkle a laugh. As she grew up she gave me so much love and affection. Even my slightest blue moment would not miss her radarscope. And then she'd sit by my side asking me what went wrong. Getting her in my life seemed like finding a treasure. But even then I had this feeling that I was forgetting something.
Time went on and I stepped into the world of College Campuses. FREEDOM was written all over the sky that day… no more uniforms… no more rules (atleast not the dorky ones like you can't bunk classes). It was in those very years of college life that I met my first love. She was so beautiful that my heart skipped a beat every time she wore her blue denims with her white t-shirt. The movies, the long walks in the park… those sneak out picnics by the beach on college days… that was the life. And then again the studies. Completing her journals while she did my research on Economic trends in 1952. Life was beautiful… and yet I could not shake away that feeling that I m forgetting something.
Finally college life was over and the rat race of life began. Jobs and work and career and money… these were the new goals that grabbed the spot light. It was then a few years in my late twenties that I found that special person whom we call soul mate. And as we decided after a few months of courtship to walk side by side for the rest of our lives, we tied the knot and entered into our married life. With her by my side, it almost felt like I was re energized to take on life head on. No problem seemed too big to handle, no sorrow too much to bear. Every moment was now a magical moment that I lived with her. But strangely still… I kept getting that feeling that I was forgetting something.
Then came that special day. I will never forget that moment. While I pranced around the corridors of the hospital … nervous… biting my nails (a habit I could never give up), the nurse came out and asked me to come in. and there beside the love of my life, wrapped in pink was the most beautiful person I ever saw. She was my daughter. She looked so tiny… but when she grabbed my finger in her tiny palm, I felt like the happiest man alive. Time went by and I saw her grow in front of my eyes into a lovely child. I could not wait to reach back home from work, only to see her wait for me at the door and then greet me with a big hug. The bosses new targets seemed like straws in the air when she sat on my lap to tell me about her day in school. There cold not be a happier moment in a man's life. And yet I could not understand why … o why do I still feel I am forgetting something.
Life sure was beautiful… it was really wonderful looking back at all these years, for on last time before I walk up to the gate. Which gate you say? The one where St. Peter stands of course.
Oh don't be confused… my time is up… I lived my life… and just moments back I closed my eyes for the last time. Have been waiting in this queue to get in ever since.
Oh I think I'm next… but… aaaghh... oh my! How could I have been so stupid.
All my life I kept getting that feeling and now…. After all my life's spent… just when the guy in white is about to call my name I remember what it was all about!
What is it you ask? Well it's a Thank you of course!!!
I never did say those words …
- To my mother when she brought me into this world
- To my grand mother who brought me up as the apple of her eye
- To my teachers who taught me all about life
- To my sister who stood like a pillar
- To my first love who taught me what love means
- To my wife who made every day worth living for
- To my daughter who made me feel special
Suddenly this long life I lived seems so small. Why could I not have some more time? I want to go back… back in time to tell all of them how much they mean to me… to tell them a Thank You for making life wonderful… but alas! I have no more time left.
With tears I walked up to St. Peter, "Young Man why the teary eyes, aren't you glad to enter heaven… you've lived a good life so why are you sad."
I told him about my life and how I forgot the most important thing of all.
He looked at me for a while and then smiled "Young Man" he said "that's how most people live their lives, chasing what hardly makes a difference while forgetting what matters the most. At every stage in life, you've met a woman who loved you and yet you always forgot to tell her a "thanks". She never asked for anything in return for her love, but she would have felt even more special if you had let her know what she meant to you. And so in a million ways I always try passing this message down on earth that never wait to tell a woman a "thank you" or even a I love you"… but if only you would ever look or ask for directions.