Part 24: In Rage In Weakness

In anger I am now

In anger like fire

In anger that burns everything in sight

In anger that sees no friends

In anger that does not seem to care

In anger I Burn

And I burn also in rage

Rage like an erupting volcano

Rage that knows no bounds

Rage that sees no limitations

Rage that destroys all around

Rage that seeks no reason

At least not in the then and the now

Thus

In Rage and in anger when I exist

In Rage and in Anger I am feared

But alas

In Rage and in Anger, I am weak

It is then that I am most vulnerable

For I act then but not after thought

And I speak hence but not always what I mean

Causing more damage than existed before

For in Rage and in Anger, you control me

In Rage and in Anger I am a slave

A slave to thoughtless actions

A slave to all my weaknesses

A slave to him who enrages me

… in MY rage and anger… YOU WIN!!!

Part 23: A heart, its questions and the fears of a Common Man

What if you don’t know me
What if when you try,
What if I take off all my masks
What if that makes you cry?

What if you STILL love me
And wish to walk by my side,
What if then the storms of my life
Drag you into high tide?

What if you STILL love me
And years pass by,
What if someone then asks you
Was it worth loving this guy?

What if you then look back
What is it you would see?
Would it be worth all that precious love
Or just life’s tragedy?

What if the latter you consider
Is what I now fear?
For I’d rather be someone all alone,
Than hurt someone so dear.

(. . . to be continued)

Part 22: The boy, the journey & the old man at the top of the hill

A day by myself
As I longed to begin
I drove by to the edge of the forest
Beyond the city I now call home

I met someone that day
Beside a brook, near the hills
Unknown to me was he I thought
And yet related I felt
For there was something in his eyes that spoke
Although no words did ears hear
A t-shirt, a cap and shorts till his knees
He wore these along with a smile
Little boats of paper and leaves did he make
And set sail them through that gentle stream
A few just sank right at the start
A few a little later began to unfold
And amidst the two that still sailed
Only to one could he wave farewell
And yet in each
He found joy enough to smile
Enough to go back to the pages he had
Enough to start building his armada once again
. . . enough to make me SMILE

I moved along

Walking further I reached the foot hills
To find a winding staircase
That seemed to lead
To the top of those hills

I began to climb
It was a long walk
The stairs just never seemed to end
And yet at many places
On my way up
I found places to rest
With food when I was hungry
And water when I did thirst

I decided to rest for a while
So beside the stairs in the shade I did lie
And in my sleep this dream I saw

I had reached the top of the hill
To find a land as lush and as green
As nature in all its abundance can be
With trees of every fruit
And flowers of every kind
And amidst all this
Was a small little cottage
With an old man sitting
In its portico
Unknown to me was he I thought
And yet related I felt
For there was something in his eyes that spoke
Although no words did ears hear
He sat there carving beautiful little ships of wood
Making each one different
Each with delicate care
And the ones he completed
He placed as trophies
Above his fire place

Who are you I asked
And do you know the boy by the brook
…do you know ME?

He looked up at me
And smiled through his beard so long

I do know the boy by the brook
As I know you
As he knows you
…for He and I are YOU

He is the child that you call your PAST
That you left long ago
Who had little dreams
Who found little joys
In the world around him
Who never got disappointed
Who never gave up

Him one day you left
To climb the stairs of time
On your journey of life
A journey that you thought was long
And yet was a journey
Where you found everything you really needed
When you needed them
A journey you made alone
A journey that you call your PRESENT

As for me
I am you too
I am the you that is called your FUTURE
I wait for you at the end of your journey
In the beautiful cottage of a life well spent
Amidst the fruits that you earned through life
Building these ships of what you dreamed as a child
For now paper I use no more
For on the journey of life
I found a box of experience
Which held within it
The hammer of knowledge
And the chisel of wisdom
And with these I make those dreams come true
To place them on the mantle of my achievements
Above the warm fire of my soul

… with this I awoke
I looked up at my road
I have a journey ahead of me

... its time I move on

Part 21: the Frosted Garden

A cold wind still blows,
As the rusty old lamppost still stands,
In the garden crafted in nature’s glass,
In a heart that no one understands.

Frosted are the roses,
Frosted is the tree of the lark.
Frosted is that lonely bench,
By that frosted lake in that park

Winter here … seems to last forever,
Time out here seems to stand still.
Life amidst all this still seems to go on,
Believing that spring shall not pass by again, believing still… atleast until.

Part 20: Like the lady I loved

(its a song)

I look at the sky
its dark and stormy today.
I see strokes of a paintbrush
flashing across that black canvas
And it looks so beautiful, it feels so nice
But it disappears before I can see it twice
the storm s so like the lady I loved

Chorus:
Come winter or summer
The cold or the heat
There s no going back for me now
For from the sea to the sky
There'll always be that drop in my eye
That'll miss you
But will never call
That will care for you
That you never fall
That will remain in your past
But love you...
Love you Forever

I look at the sea
its rough and wild today
I see splashes of whats gentle
splashing across my face
And it feels so nice...so gentle and plain
but i open my eyes and the waves have gone back again
even the sea s so like the lady I loved.
(Chorus)

I walked upon the desert sand,
Its serene beauty I just couldn't understand.
And with it I felt so warm,
nothing else around me for miles.
And it felt just like how the whole world can be lost,
When someone special smiles.
But as I continued to walk along, my feet began to burn,
Oh my! Even the desert s so like the lady I loved.
(Chorus)

I walked in the snow,
So soft and so white,
Everything seemed so serene,
Atleast all that was within my sight.
I build this nice snow house with care
Just by the crystal bay,
But just as I touched it, it just melted away.
Oh my! oh my! even the snow s so like the lady I loved.
(Chorus)

Part 19: A Stranger to Today

A sip of love,
thats all that I need.
A sip of true love,
a moment of bliss
a memory of sorrow

For I've loved once
I've loved again
a time more than two
I have felt the touch
. . . and it is no mirage
and yet it isn't with me anymore

For what was mine
is what I never owned
and who I never belonged to
was just but a stranger

. . . ha!

That's love
My love
and I've walked passed it
only to keep looking behind
to see what isn't there anymore
to see what they tell me never existed

. . . if the only knew
I live in a world of dreams
I live in yesterdays and tomorrows
. . . for I am a Stranger to Today.

Part 18: Changed

They say I have changed,
They who never knew me.
Never knew who I was,
And will never know who I really am.

They say I have changed,
That I am becoming a differant person now,
But they never knew the person I was,
Not for a day, not even a moment.

And so I wonder,
who has changed indeed,
or what has changed, if I may say so.

Is it the window through which they see me?
Or
Is it the mask behind which I hide?

Has the fog of perception started to clear away?
Or
Has the myst of time begun to gather?

I really don't know,
But then do they?
They who say I have changed...
They who say you know me...

Changed they say...ha!